BIG FAT DISCLAIMER:

These 'quotes' were submitted anonymously. as a work of FICTION...and are not meant to offend, just amuse (don't sue me OK) If you think any of these are yours and you don't wish them posted (or if the 'quote' is incorrect), send me email.  If you have additional 'quotes' that you would like to add, send them along.  Most names have been changed to initials to protect the whatever.  If I catch too much crap for this, down it comes.  Personally, I think some are hilarious.  Those bothered by foul language, shouldn't read this....and probably never worked at EA.

 

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2/21/89  D. M. at a Producer's meeting asked "Who cares about the customer anyway?"

 

3/10/89  B. G. at a company meeting said "Managers don't have to listen."

 

3/14/89 For all you marketing types: M. F. at a Producer's meeting said "...doing something as remedial as getting package copy together."

4/27/89  S. B. at the symposium:  "B.'s in charge and I'm his evil twin."

6/22/89  J. F. "I have a multitude of faults, but being unreasonable is not one of them."

10/29/89  M. W. of Return to Atlantis on phone to R. K.: "It is amazing how much code you can write in three years."

12/15/89  M. M. talking to H. J.:  "Well, on the upside,  I'm here..."

12/19/89  D. T. at Chevy's 9:10pm to a group of us:  "...then we're [EA]: half publisher, half wankers."

1/16/90  M. I. via e-mail:  "[EA is]  Just like communist China, only the pay is better."

2/6/90  S. B. to Trip at Company onsite meeting:  "Fuck you!!"

8/17/90  B. G. about EA role-playing games "A once proud brand, driven into the mud."

 

B. G. and S. B. at an LP Staff Meeting:

B.:  The studio is busy shipping product and making revenue and the

Advanced Entertainment group is busy spending over budget and not shipping product.

S.:  Well excuse me all the hell massa, us niggers really appreciate

you're carrying our sorry asses while we're all fucking off in the cotton fields. 

At the 1990 Christmas party during the award ceremony, M. K. "You know, if we hurry [and go home now] we can catch Doogie Howser."

2/11/91 E. L.on e-mail  "As long as no one knows what you do, or as long as they think you are doing what they say you are doing, whether or not you are actually doing that, you're safe."

6/13/91 S.B. during script review for Biosphere (shipped eventually by Bullfrog) talking about the product "There is so much dimensionality to this."

10/1/91  C. E.while on the phone to an artist "Whatever Stewart says, I do."

11/11/91  C. E..on e-mail to S. B.. and L. P."I can make a game out of anything."

2/3/92  J. H. over e-mail "I end this note with my favorite quote: 'violence may not be the answer, but often it is a perfect solution.'"

2/5/92  J. H. over e-mail: "I once purchased a new C-128 at Sears. I also once worked on C-64 Starflight. I've forgiven Sears."

E. on Black Crypt: "Can we please just ship this fucker?"

E. (again) on Return of the Jedi Sega proposal: "No Ewoks. I hate Ewoks."

D. T. on a product he'd recently submitted to Nintendo: "When Nintendo saw it, they just circle-jerked around it."

J. H., replying to a writer on why they're going with a fantasy setting for Tiberi World: "4. The head of Product Development spells his  name 'Stewart', not 'Stuart'

S. B. quoting himself:

One of the first company meetings in Burlingame, someone suggested a way we could save a nickel a disk and someone laughed that we would be discussing something that seemed relatively insignificant, I said, "Nickel here, nickel there.  At the end of the year, you've got a fucking big pile of nickels".

Same symposium, introducing the challenges faced by the onslaught of the Japanese companies and their videogame machines, I quoted Guido the pimp from "Risky Business" -- "In a sluggish economy, don't ever fuck with another man's livelihood".  This was met with nervous laughter from the audience.

4/30/92  From: P. G.  "idealism is a dangerous thing."

4/14/92  S. H.  "M. L. is the biggest sandbagger in the world."

4/14/92  T. F. "...if you do something stupid on e-mail, the worst you could look like is a vice president."

2/1/93 R. H.  Regarding Super Road Rash SNES  "I'd kill it and leave the fog of rumor and innuendo behind."

2/19/93 M. F. at a Review meeting talking about software schedules:  "There's always some variability."

3/19/93 S. N. at a Review meeting "There is no risk in doing a racing game."

D. S.'s management philosophy: "Software developers are fundamentally incompatible with external control mechanisms."

9/17/93 S. B. at Review (in reference to B. L. saying "if I were Ballsy...") said "We don't use that word."

10/13/93 B. G. at Studio Managers meeting "Since we are a sports company..."

10/11/93 R. H. about EA management "We are aggressive reactive proactive mother fuckers."

6/93, R. H. in the hallway speaking of C. R., during the (over-)production of Wing 3, holding up his right pinky "That man has more talent in his little finger..."

5/14/94  R. H.  "It takes more time to teach Albert Einstein to mow the lawn than to do it yourself."

6/7/95  L. B. "Maybe I didn't like it so I forgot."

11/8/96  R. H. after the shipment of Wing 4, in Entertainment Review magazine: "I don't create games, I create genres"

 

4/14/97  D. M. in a meeting with L. and S., overheard through the walls yelling "What I want to know is how I get my 5 million dollars?!?!"

6/25/97  D. M. at the PC Steering committee  "DVD is not going to take off"

1/20/98  P. G. at Slums meeting "The truth is irrelevant"

11/98  M. P. to COO at review meeting:  "Stay out of my way.  I am the future of Electronic Arts"

5/7/99  P. G:  "I resign"

I have a quote that has stuck with me for six years.  It came from M. F. when I went to him for advice on a nasty situation that was happening at EA. After spending 10 minutes explaining the situation, M. calmly responded with the following words.

"Life is a shit sandwich and you just took a bite." No wiser words were ever spoken.  That man is a genius!

S. N. in the middle of a meeting,  in his ever-impeccable timing chimed in, "Once when I was really stoned, I ate a pound of raw bacon."

1995 SM to AR

S: I predict the department will be shut down in 3 months.

A: But they just moved me out here 3 months ago to run the department, why would they do that?

S: It's the regular EA reorg time and the musical chairs are moving now. 3 months later the department was shut down

Circa 1992 JM to SM : They have a saying around here. If you don't like this reorg wait for 6 months. There will be another.

1990 DC: After the Goodbye video for TM.  In an email to the entire company but especially her boss SB. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck You!

Circa 1992: MC posted a paper cup outside of ER's cube with a note that said "Save E, Its not to late". and everyone put money in the cup!

Circa 1991: RD After messing up a flight reservation for TH in Taiwan posted a tombstone outside of her cube with her name, date of birth and expected exit date.

Circa 1992: Email from Building Manager RR to SM & RH: You have to have LC clean up the butter finger candy wrappers on the floor in her cube. They constitute a health hazard and are in danger of attracting ants. (on the 4th floor?)

Circa 1992: SM to RH, Do you think we can get them to install a fire pole to the third floor? Then none of those producers can come up easily, but we can get down there lickety split.

How Not to impress your boss or How not to get ahead at EA...

 

Date: Late '91(?) while finalling PGA Tour Golf for Windows.

Time: 2:30 am.

Where: Fashion Island Blvd, passing M.F.'s cubicle on the third floor, on the way home after working yet another 12 hour day

M.F.: Heading out, eh?

M.C.: Yup, gonna say hi to the family.

M.F.: Great, EA values balance.

M.C. (After saying goodnight and heading out the door, M.C. returns to M.F.'s cubicle) : If EA values balance, then why doesn't EA give out a quarterly award for the most 'balanced' employee?

Date: Sometime after R.H. was deposed as head of software engineering group

Time: Late afternoon

Where: M.C.'s cubicle

B.G.: Current management definitely values you more than previous management.

M.C.: That's not saying much, is it?

B.G.: (speechless)

When: Same as above

Where: R.H. cubicle

Time: late afternoon

M.C.: Have you noticed that as you've risen through the ranks at EA, that people laugh more loudly at your jokes?

R.H.: Yeah, I just make sure I laugh louder than they do.

 

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